Post #4 of My Sixtieth Birthday Series: People Who Helped Shape Me (Fourth Decade)

 

Well, that was a lengthy hiatus. I had intentions of finishing this series months ago, and here we are, still only half way through. Shall we conclude that clearly I did not have enough People Who Don't Procrastinate to help shape me over the years? 

In case any of my readers have forgotten, last year around the time of my 60th birthday I began posting some photos and descriptions of people who have influenced me significantly in one way or another throughout my life. I set up the series to describe one decade at a time. For anyone needing to refresh their memory, here are links to the posts so far: Decade #1, Decade #2, and Decade #3. In this post I will pick up where I left off by writing about Decade #4. 

Fourth Decade: 1996-2005, ages 31 to 40 years old

My daughter Kayleen

Kayleen knew how to bring joy to a mother's heart from her first appearance, as a healthy baby after our sorrow in my miscarrying the pregnancy before her, and as a girl baby following our two boys. From the beginning she had a way of introducing me to new worlds, such as how to keep pediatrician appointments for an infant. During the initial months after her birth, orthopedic doctors helped to correct Kayleen's mild case of club foot and curly toes. She also posed a whole new set of wardrobe designing and maintaining opportunities in being a feminine member of the family to dress and comb. I'm still amazed at her seeming innate sense of color-matching and proper fashion. (She certainly didn't get that from my example!) Her sister Kerra and I still sometimes look to her for the last word on clothing approval.

It was always my dream, if God ever gave me girls, to have a close mother-daughter relationship with them. Kayleen has been a beautiful gift to me in shaping the fulfilment of this dream. In spite of (and who's to know how much because of?) the run-ins and difficult conversations we navigated during her growing-up years, she has kept her heart open toward me. I have been able to learn much from watching her do life with courage and grace, whether she's teaching school, attending college, deepening friendships with her peers, getting married and settling into a new community, blossoming in homemaking, becoming a mom to preemie twins, or facing the joys and challenges of co-parenting said twins. I love our almost-weekly video calls and I love even more when we can chat in person during visits to each others' homes.

My daughter Kerra

When Kerra, our second daughter was born, I learned what it felt like to be a mother in a rich family. (If a couple having one boy and one girl is called a million-dollar family, we were at least double that!) Kerra taught me the difficulty a mom faces in trying to make another common saying untrue: the youngest child is always spoiled. How could we Kenites not cater to the littlest family member who so soon captivated us with her cuteness, expressiveness, and wit? As a two-year-old, she already loved to mimic us older ones, and to add her own Kerra ways when she could, such as the time Kayleen asked me how big a mouse is, for real. Kerra promptly repeated the question, and before I could respond, provided her own answer: "Ten o'clock!" 

What a beautiful design God has in making it possible for a mother, while teaching her own children, to also learn things from them. Kerra has taught me much over the years; I'm grateful for her example in developing a heart for the hurting, being passionate about her students loving to read and opening their hearts to wisdom, going ahead and trying new things even though she's "terrified", being willing to speak up if she disagrees on an important belief or feels a need to address an issue with someone (yes, even Mom & Dad), persevering in authoring a children's book that is now in print, and deepening her love for Jesus. Even at her wedding last month, I found the emphasis on worship, and the call to focus on the upcoming Ultimate Wedding to be profoundly touching and meaningful. 

My wee son Randy

During the brief months of his life in utero, our tiny son reiterated for me the pains and pleasures of growing a new person to welcome into our family of six. I was just starting to get those little thrills of mother-delight at his timid nudges inside me when his signs of coming too soon (at 17 weeks gestation) forced me to begin an unexpected journey through loss and grief. Randy, by his short life here on earth and his early entrance into heaven, helped to shape my concept of God's care. Not only is my precious baby forever held by a loving God, so is Randy's mother always In His Hands.  

My Mom-Ruthie

Not many people have the unique experience of their mom being only ten years older than they themselves are. I do, thanks to my dad marrying Ruthie, a woman ten years younger than he, not long after Mom-Eva died from cancer. Right off the bat, or maybe I should say right off the first date with my dad, Mom-Ruthie taught me a lot about bravery. Only a woman of courage could begin opening her heart to another man (after her first husband died suddenly at age 33, leaving her a widow and a single parent of two young boys) knowing that this new relationship would likely lead to her second marriage. And after it did, upon saying "I do" she instantly inherited six more children, some sons- and daughters-in-law, and a handful of grandchildren as her privilege/responsibility/challenge to stepmother and grandmother. 

What a blessing Mom-Ruthie has been to me over the years with her help in the kitchen, her ease of contributing to the Tribe of Dan wit, family fun, and mischief - albeit while coping with an acute case of FOMO, her sense of style (thanks to her, I could finally settle on my complete mother-of-the-bride outfit for Kerra's wedding!) and her ability to follow our travel progress so well she can predict quite precisely the hour, if not the minute, we are "crossing The Bridge" on our way to Hayward. This month she and Dad will celebrate their 30th wedding anniversary, and I am grateful anew to think of the ways she has been an example to me in faithfully keeping her vow to "love and to cherish in prosperity and adversity, in sickness and in health..."

Writer Friends

I'm not sure when I joined my first writer's group, but I do know that Elaine Gingrich was one of my first writer mentors. Our common interests in wordcraft, music, and observing nature caused our paths to intersect, while her listening ear and her motherly advice drew me to her in friendship. I have greatly benefited from our exchange of ideas and critiques for each other's writing work. She's been an inspiration to me with her dependence on God in her journey through widowhood, as well as her perseverance in compiling her poems into a book of poetry, although its recent publication has taken years to accomplish. This has helped to bolster my hope and faith that my own book, long in the making, can be published eventually.

At some point, I joined a Writers Group which has ebbed and flowed in its membership over the years. Sharon Kuepfer started the group, and she is the one lady who has remained a constant in it this whole time. Two other current members are ones who have stepped away for a time, and have rejoined the group. Altogether, there are six of us writers who follow a rather loose plan to both contribute some writing to be edited and help to edit the others' written pieces once a month. Each member who has ever been a part of this group has in some way helped shape me into the writer I have become, and I feel indebted to them for this.

Grace Church Friends

When we decided to leave Countryside Church in the spring of 2003, the first congregation we visited, in hopes of finding another local Midwest Fellowship church to attend, was Grace Mennonite Church. We went back the next Sunday, and the next, and then chose to settle at Grace without trying out any other churches. I will always be grateful for the warmth we received there. The Grace people taught me by example the best way to receive newcomers as they lived up to their name in a grace-full welcome. The ladies especially helped to ease my navigation through what I came to call "the limbo land between churches." They gave me time and space to grieve the departure from what was familiar and comfortable back at Countryside, while also cautiously approaching what was new and as-yet-uncomfortable at Grace. In time, I felt at home among them, and happily entered into the sharing of church sisterhood whether it was in Sunday School, VBS, Church Camping, Church socials, Ladies' Retreats and birthday parties, or visiting after church and in each others' homes. 

The '88 Couples Group

How and when these types of groups have their beginning isn't exactly known, but what is for sure is the enjoyment that comes from staying connected to friends who decided years ago to get together annually. This particular group includes five couples - Wil & Charlene, Keith & Delphine, Andy & Colleen, Brian & Joyce, and Us - who all got married in 1988, and at the time, either the husband or the wife (or both) were members at Countryside Church. We had gotten together for socializing at times before the fourth decade in my life, but I'm not sure we got together as regularly as we do now. 

One particular gathering stands out in my mind. On a Saturday not long after my Mom's passing, we five couples and our families met at Wil and Charlene's house near Tara, Ontario to share a meal and conversation, as peaceful and relaxing as that could be in those days with all our little ones to manage, too! At some point that day, the ladies surprised me with a gift - a bundle of notecards they had strung together, handwritten messages of care and encouragement to comfort me in the loss of my Mom. This group has continued to carry on that kind of support for each other; I have only grown in my appreciation of them and look forward to spending time with them at our yearly gatherings to share food, fun, and fellowship.

Garden Party Ladies

Joanne Shantz, Yours Truly, Elaine Brubacher, Delphine Frey, Rose Martin, Bonnie Bauman, and Karen Brubacher compose another group for which I am hard pressed to come up with the exact how and when we came to be. By now, we are the Garden Party Ladies, because every year in June, Delphine invites the lot of us to gather for a brunch in her Garden, otherwise known as her well-kept back yard, or expansive front yard, or cozy east yard, however the weather and Delphine's hostess mood may direct. In any case, we know the location and table setting and food display will be absolutely beautiful in every way. All of us ladies contribute a dish to add to the spread, and each of us contributes something from her own unique self to the mix of laughter, tears, wisdom and whimsy that we always share around the table. It's a perfect recipe for getting to know oneself and one's friends better, and I wouldn't miss it for the world!

Post #3 of My Sixtieth Birthday Series: People Who Helped Shape Me (Third Decade)

I'm in the (slow) process of writing about people who have influenced me in various ways over the years. I've been separating my ponderings into blog posts spanning one decade at a time. This is the third installment of the series I began since turning 60 this past summer. Click here to see the first post and here for the second installment, in case you need to backtrack. 

Third Decade: 1986-1995, ages 21 to 30 years old

Bethany Christian School

Following my two years of teaching in Arkansas, I taught for two more years - at a new school in my own home state. I moved from Hayward to Stratford, Wisconsin (a three-hour drive) to teach at Bethany Christian School in its first two years of existence. (I've been called the George Washington teacher of the school, which is a bit much, in my opinion) The school board and the parents of the students were generous with their guidance and affirmation as I tried to be a good pioneer teacher. I don't know quite how it happened, but some very special bonds were formed between the students and me during those years I spent among them and their families. To this day, meeting up with them not only kindles fond memories, but also continues to encourage me when they say things like, "You were my favorite elementary teacher."  

I boarded with a widow named Verna, and her deaf daughter, Lori. By her example, Verna taught me much about hard work, compassion for suffering people, expressiveness in prayer, and trust in God to meet one's needs. Boarding with her and Lori also gave me new opportunities, such as growing accustomed to the living quarters of an old farmhouse (think steep stairs and tiny bedrooms) and learning the basics of sign language. 

In-laws

My very first in-law was Nolan, my twin's husband. Brono (from Brother Nolan), as we affectionately called him, was my only in-law for the seven weeks between their wedding and ours, at which time I received a passel of in-laws by marrying Ken. Nolan has always impressed me with his ambition and wisdom, and the way he loves and leads his family. Over the years, I've gained more in-laws on the Schrock side, who add beauty, friendship, and interest to my life. 

I couldn't ask for a better second family than the Applepeople Tribe. Ken's family has taught me, by their example in their apple-packing business, the richness of befriending and interacting with people of any nationality. Not only have I gained from The Martins a host of great recipes, definitions to many new words or phrases, and instructions to a myriad of games, I have also gradually learned how to consider what I called arguments as mere friendly debates when the family gets together. (how was I to know right off, if voices and emphases are raised over how many kms and point.kilometers it is to Madeupville from here?) 

Tinlerfer People

I have also been influenced greatly and positively by our family's interactions with The Tinlerfer Tribe over the years. Our three-families group began rather spontaneously when I got to know Cathy and Sharon as teachers at Countryside Christian School, back before any of us had children. As we began to add people, activities, and experiences to our group, somebody (Darrel, maybe?) came up with the idea to blend the last parts of our family names into one name to identify the tribe: Tin from the Ken Martin family, ler from the Darrel Wagler Family, and fer from the Steve Kuepfer Family. 

Spending time with the Tinlerfers has taught me much, such as how to efficiently convert one's house into a hotel for three families for one night, tips for cooking meals over a campfire, and how to express oneself more openly with trusted friends, not to mention how to move quick and lively when oil from a fondue pot spills over and catches fire on the tablecloth! 

My son Rolin 

Since Rolin is my firstborn, he has had a profound impact in shaping me as a mother. (ha ha, both literally and figuratively, eh?) Because of him, I took on an identity that in one sense will never leave, even after I die. When he was young, his dependency on me enlarged my heart and expanded my capacity to nuture. As he matured, his questions stemming from a curious nature and his passion for science invited me to grow in the wonder of God's creation. He has helped to teach me, by his example, how to speak clearly both in voice and thoughts while expressing oneself in formal speech or informal discussion. 

These days, he continues to inpsire me with his leadership qualities at work, at church, and in his home - as a husband, and as a father to a first-grader and three preschoolers (who are the exact same age!) His love of books and learning hasn't seemed to diminish, although his responsibilities probably call for more intentionality to get his reading worked in than what it used to. He enhances our family's Christmas gatherings by his expertise in organizing our book/gift exchange annually. 

Circle letter Danettes

I don't know exactly when I started the circle letter that I share with three other Danettes, but I do know that it's been fun to correspond via mail with other ladies who share my not-so-common name. Although the four of us haven't ever gotten together in person, I've had the pleasure of interacting with women younger than me through our exchange of hand-written or typed letters. It seems I've been able to watch them grow up and raise their families (and for some of them, become a grandma) and to sense the ways God is leading them by reading their descriptions on paper and studying the family photo cards we receive from them occasionally. Being in a circle letter with them has also helped me develop some good letter-writing habits, espeically the discipline of getting my contribution in and hopefully not leaving the pack of Danettes literature to languish on the shelf for half a year!

My son Ricky

Ricky, from his very beginning, has shown me the adventure aspect of being one to change things up. He arrived weighing a whopping ten pounds, four ounces, (I called him my 10-4 good buddy) thus offering me the triumph of having my biggest baby as my first natural birth after C-section. As he grew up, he taught me the joys and frustrations of mothering a child who was a delightful mix of artistic, determined, affectionate, wordsmithy, musical, humorous and mischievous. He's also demonstrated to me the fun of spontaneity. He's the only one I know who can readily turn a statement from the cook into a syncopated rap line on the spot: Youcan put da Cool Whip on toppa da pie... 

While Ricky has learned how to push me to the edge of annoyance with his ribbing: Mom, what are the different pronunciations of hock and hawk, again? (to him and his sibs there is no difference) he's also shown me the richness of sharing heart matters. I've also enjoyed the times we've been able to collaborate on creative projects involving photography and videography. I love knowing that I'll get a hanging basket of flowers from him & Jasmine for Mother's Day and I look forward to the little exchanges of conversation we sometimes have when he parks his bike in our garage during his work day at Martin's. I admire the way he relates to children and I'm so excited to see him become a dad for the very first time -soon. 

Countryside Church Friends

In my transitioning from a rather small church setting in northern Wisconsin to the vast Mennoniteland of southern Ontario, I wondered how I could ever feel anchored in the sea of people that inhabited one congregation alone. I guess I just had a lot to learn from the Countryside Church people in the area of welcoming. By being themselves in a solid Waterloo County kind of way, they showed me hospitality and invited me into their homes, their work projects, their Bible studies, and their friendships. (Who knew that one small conversation about parenting could provide much-needed affirmation and pave the way to a lifelong friendship?) In time, I came to appreciate the benefits of belonging to a large church family, not the least of which was having lots of help and support in annual events such as Secret Sisters suppers, Summer Bible School and Sunday School picnics.

Countryside Church Youth Group

There's nothing quite like being youth leaders to help one stay young at heart. The Countryside Youth provided this opportunity for Ken and me while we were youth sponsors for several years early in our marriage. The young men and women in the youth group at the time were gracious and cooperative as I learned to venture beyond my comfort zone in planning and preparing large amounts of food and drink for several dozen people at any given event (I still cringe when I recall the burnt cocoa taste of the hot chocolate served at a youth social due to my not knowing how to operate kitchen equipment for the masses), in heading up discussions/talk times with the girls, and organizing activities for a group of people while knowing I wouldn't be able to please everyone every single time. One of my favorite things about being with the youth was watching them love on our two boys, who were in the toddler and infant stage at the time.