Post #1 of My Sixtieth Birthday Series: People Who Helped Shape Me (First Decade)

I turned 60 last week. On the approach of this milestone birthday and since, I've been thinking a lot about how I got here. How I came to be the person I am today. I believe I owe it to God, of course; it is in Him that I "live and move and have my being", as it says in Acts 17:28. But I am also indebted to the individuals He has placed in my life. So many people have influenced me in one way or another over the years. It's a delight to ponder this special group of contributors and their contributions. 

I've decided to do a blog series that documents some of my reflections as I consider this journey one decade at a time. Perhaps you will find yourself in one or more of the categories in the different decades, and if not, please know that I'm including you anyway. After all, I wouldn't be a blogger if it weren't for the people who actually read my stuff, so there you go. Thank you for your part in helping to shape me into who I am, as of June 14, 2025: Danette Martin, a brand-new sixty-year-old! 

First Decade: 1965-1975, ages newborn to 10 years old

My mom, Eva Kauffman Schrock 

Not only did Mom do her part in shaping me physically, she helped to build my character, and was a strong part of my spiritual formation in those early years. Because of her, I have freckles, I do household chores with precision, I inherited a propensity for getting into a giggle fit at inappropriate times, I talk to God about things as big as world leaders and as small as a lost toy, I get grouchy upon spending too much money, I love teaching, and my heart goes out to suffering creatures, human or otherwise. 

My dad, Daniel Schrock

He's the reason I am particular about doing things right even if it takes a long time. He's deepened my passion for words and The Word, for close family relationships, for good music, for creativity in photography, for learning new things, for taking an interest in people and remembering their names. Because of his example as a father who not only expected obedience but also offered much understanding, acceptance, and affection, (and still does, to this day) my concept of God takes on a similar shape. 

My twin sister, Annette Schrock Bechtel 

She's the one who taught me the joy of togetherness by living it with me as my look-alike in facial features, many expressions and actions, and dress (for the first sixteen or so years of our lives, anyway). With her as my co-experiencer of life in a myriad of ways, I learned to be as companionable and compassionate (hopefully) as I am competitive. Without her example, it wouldn't be as easy for me to be grateful, organized, discerning, and encouraging. I also wouldn't be so apt to hoot with laughter and get teary in the same minute during a phone call, to get a cold sore the same week she does, to buy her the same card or give her the same type of birthday gift as the one she gives me.

My brothers Todd Schrock and Tim Schrock 

As we were growing up, they gave me plenty of opportunity to hone my childcare skills, although they would give the talent a different title, such as Biggest Boss of Brothers, perhaps. While I appreciate their help in developing my ability to take teasing, I can thank them even more for forming my idea of brotherhood by their partnership in creative play, comradeship in work projects, and their fellowship around tables and in vehicles. (How many children can fit, a.k.a. squeeze/cram/squish, into one car on a school run?) By the value they place on staying connected with family, they continue to enrich my life and shape my sense of worth.

Grandpa LeRoy and Grandma Anna Schrock 

(L to R behind us twins in the photo: Grandpa Kauffmans, Great-grandpa Levi Schrock, Grandpa Schrocks) 

Grandpa Schrocks instilled in me the importance of church by their example of being there on time, sitting up front, Grandpa sharing a story (through tears) during testimony time and heartily joining in the singing (especially A Wonderful Savior is Jesus My Lord), and Grandma willingly and thoroughly cleaning the church building during the week. They influenced me through their generosity at home, too, sharing popcorn and pink peppermints, fun toys like Fisher Price little people and fun music such as the Medical Mission Sisters and Harmony Three on vinyl records, and speaking words of admonition and encouragement. 

Grandpa Andrew and Grandma Aletha Kauffman 

Grandpa Kauffmans, through no real intention on their part, gave me the experience of having one set of grandparents living far enough away to warrant a trip to get there, and often staying over a few nights. Visiting them taught me a love of country life, as well as pushed me into learning new things, what with opportunities to play by the creek, hike in the river bottoms, fish with a bamboo pole, mix up a pretend "stew" with field corn kernels and tiny pinecones, gather asparagus from the garden (and later try to choke down the compulsory bite or two of it, cooked) and pad barefoot through the straw (and squishy bits of chicken poop) in the hen house to gather fresh-laid eggs. I also watched Grandpa Kauffmans interact with neighbors and community people, which showed me what sharing Jesus' love with others looks like.

Other Relatives 

Uncles and aunts, especially the ones that weren't married yet or were newly married and not quite so involved with raising my cousins, became my heroes as they paid attention to me, inviting me into conversation, games, walks, or even - wonder of wonders - a road trip with them! Some of them taught me how to do new, frightening things like striking a match to light the fire on the trash in the burn barrel, and some were kind of scary (but kind of sounding just like mom) when they made threats like, "If anybody walks in that muddy garden one more time, they're going to get it!" But they sure produced some fun cousins to admire, make forts with in the snow, play rousing outdoor games with, and later, to confide in, attend Bible School with, and eventually compare parenting/grandparenting notes with.  

Church People 

I look back on the small group of people that comprised my church community, and feel so blessed to have had their influence in my life. Some left a posititve impression on me by the way they taught the Sunday School and Summer Bible School classes I attended, or had a memorable "children's class" in a Sunday evening service. Some led the singing engagingly, or interacted meaningfully with us children in the audience during a devotional at church. The informal times in their homes had an impact, too. Whether it was sharing their actually-too-big-for-me bike for riding on their amazing trails in the woods, delicious homemade food at sewing circle, a nut-cracking bee - a social event for all ages, or singing at the local nursing home, they gave me the joy of belonging. 

Schoolmates in Public School 

Although they only had one year to do it, my teachers and classmates at Hayward School helped to shape my views on education and the experience of learning in community. Because of them, I believe that Grade One teachers should have the gentleness and patience of Miss Bowman, that assistant teachers can foster learning by rousing curiosity and excitement (such as having students guess what you're shaking in a tin can and allowing each student to have one of the candies after you've disclosed that it's lemon drops rattling around in there), that girl drama happens early in school life but it can and usually does resolve at some point, and that first-grade boys, although popular opinion might lead you to believe otherwise, can be quite charming. 

Neighbors 

In my young life, our neighbors provided hospitality, entertainment, and wonder. They helped to expand my knowledge and to shape my sense of community. Because of them, I learned that there are different languages in the world, a variety of ethnic dishes, and there are various ways of adding humor to one's life. The Frys and Sperlings, the Phillips and Leffingwell (sp?) families, the Smiths and Dietz's, the Cormacks and Hamblins and Froemels, and so many more, all contributed something to our lives by being themselves and sharing their particular interests and abilities. I'm sure that our Northwoods Beach neighbors Earl and Grace had no idea that they inspired in me a lifelong love of word games when they introduced to our family the newest sensation in word-lover circles, a fascinating board game called Scrabble.  

Marching in the Company Of

                                                  📷- Jenn Jantzi

A whole month (and a bit more) has gone by since we returned home from our stint at Bible School. When I look back over our March schedule - the places we went, the activities we did, and the people we encountered in the past several weeks - I realize that we live a full, rich life. 

Recently I heard a speaker on the Anabaptist Perspectives podcast quoting an "old anabaptist" on the topic of brotherhood when he said, "No man is in Christ apart from his brother." The speaker went on to explain that we all need to have some kind of group of people to love, someone to have to get along with. "You can't submit to yourself," he said, "You've got to have real people in your life to interact with", in order to fully live out the teachings of Jesus.

I can't say I've thought of it exactly like that before. Viewing our experience from this perspective, I feel like we are a blessed couple with lots of opportunity for living out Christianity in community. We have so many friends, relatives, and acquaintances as our "real people to interact with" - people who help to shape us, as well as people in whom we have a chance to help form character. I'm grateful that we get to do life in the varied company of these beautiful souls.

In the month of March, we were in the company of the following people, some pictured, and some not:

Pictured: 

Luci Martin from northern Alberta was the guest speaker at a seminar for us ladies at Oasis. I had the special privilege of hosting Luci in our home for several days over that time. (you can read more about the weekend in the series she posted weeks ago, being the perfect kind of prompt and prolific blogger that she is)

Carlin & Kayleen and the twins hosted us for a brief time at their place when we were on our way back home from a meeting in Lancaster, PA. I helped Kayleen prepare food for a friend's baby shower she was attending that evening. And we doted on those sweet little girls, of course!

The planning committee for our Sunday evening services at Oasis put together a memorable event for our church family on Palm Sunday - a Christian Passover Seder. I signed up to make multiple batches of unleavened bread (lotsa matzah, as my friend worded it) ahead of time. As "father of the household" at our table, Ken was the one to pour the water for handwashing before we shared the meal together. The committee did such a good job of explaining the symbology (I learned a new word that evening) of the different aspects of a Seder.

Val, Sharon, and Tina are smart, helpful, and fun editors in my writing world. I thoroughly enjoyed my day with them and other writers at the Authors' Book Signing Event that Living Waters, a local Christian bookstore, put on. I didn't have my own signing booth, since the book I'm working on isn't to the signable stage yet, so I visited other authors at their stations, and sat in on Topic and Q & A sessions in the main assembly. It was a special highlight of the day to rendezvous with the abovementioned members of my Writers' Group. 

                                                     📷- Tori Martin

Norm & Sharon and daughters blessed us with their music and their words at an annual fundraiser dinner for NYP one evening at an area church. I'm always so encouraged to see families who enjoy singing together. 

Darrel & Cathy visited our church one Sunday morning and graced us with their presence in our home for Sunday lunch and an afternoon visit. There's nothing quite like getting together with old friends we haven't been with for awhile, to make the hours zip by. 

                                                                   📷- Kerra Martin

The Waterloo Kenites came here last Saturday evening to celebrate Kerra, who had just become a quarter century years old earlier in the week. The gathering was also a catch-up party for Joy, Rolin, and Jasmine, whose birthdays we missed celebrating right while they happened during the past year. As usual, the triplets provided a good portion of the entertainment that evening. It was their first time to be here since Jude and Piper are walking, so they had great fun exploring Grandpa and Grandma's house!   

Our church family shared a preparatory service, a Communion service, an Easter Sunday morning service, and a potluck meal together in recent weeks. What a privilege to get to know my brothers and sisters better as we sing together, listen to each other's testimonies and stories, hear sermons and study the Word together, wash each other's feet literally and figuratively, eat each other's good food, laugh and cry together, encourage one another, learn from each other's mistakes, and follow Jesus together.

Not pictured:

~ Nephew Nick married his sweetheart Alisha on the day that we got home from Bible School, and we were pleased to attend the wedding as the groom's aunt & uncle. A meaningful part of the ceremony was witnessing the couple read the vows they had written to each other, and a special touch at the close of the reception was the gathering of guests around the couple for a send-off prayer of blessing.

~ Seth came here after school one afternoon and stayed for a few hours, long enough to eat supper with us, listen to some stories, play house (which included caring for triplet babies, of course), play Hide the Duck, and go fishing (for Grandma's pool noodle fish).

~ A pleasant and helpful policewoman showed up when Ken and I were parked on the shoulder of I-90 somewhere in Pennsylvania, changing a tire on our van after dark. She informed us that we weren't the only travelers with a flat tire dilemma, that she'd gotten reports of a nail spill in the vicinity (Ohh, so that debris we had hit earlier wasn't a dead deer after all!) and that there were two more similarly disabled vehicles ahead of us. After our spare tire was on, she drove behind us, lights flashing, until we were well out into traffic again. In the next ten-mile stretch, we counted 13 vehicles pulled off to the side of the road with a flat tire!

~ My writer friend Elaine from Parry Sound treated me to lunch and a chat with her at Kitchen Kuttings when she came to Elmira to attend a visitation one afternoon.

~ And then the following day, my walking buddy and Tiny Group friend Rose shared lunch and a catch up visit with me at Covenant Cafe in Waterloo.

~ A pranking mystery couple visited us one evening...well, technically we weren't in the company of the sneaky pair, we were only in the company of the dozens of tiny ducks they hid all over our house, to welcome us home from MBS. I'll give more details of this in my next episode, oops, I mean in my next blog post. 

Pitfalls and Perfections of Parishes: A Partner Post with Luci Martin

My friend Luci is a prolific blogger. Especially this month. She's been posting almost every day in November, and her commitment to the #writeeverydaychallenge is quite something. Last Wednesday, at the end of her publication for the day, she asked her readers for discussion question ideas. When I sent her one about large and small congregations, she liked it. I found out that when she mentioned doing a partner post with me on the topic, she was serious. I thought it sounded fun, even though I didn't know what a partner post was. When I discovered that she didn't really know either, I thought it sounded even more fun - to explore it together. 

That is how this unofficial partner post with Luci officially came about. I asked her questions regarding her congregation, and she asked me questions about the two different church communities I've experienced in my life. After quibbling a bit about which of us two is more articulate, and both of us confessing some nervousness about answering each other's questions, we got down to it. You can read the results of the "interviews" over on her blog, and here on mine. Following are the questions I asked about her church and community in BayTree, Alberta, along with her answers:

1. If you describe your current congregation as small and remote, in terms of size and the distance you are from other Anabaptist churches, what sort of stereotypical labels of such a congregation make your defensive hackles rise?

I think that being considered sheltered and antiquated and redneck because we're off grid as far as Mennonites go is probably what would irritate me most. But I feel that is probably my own insecurity speaking. The vibes I described are not ones we get often from others. Usually people are curious and respectful of our choice to live where we do.

2. You’ve attended the same church basically all your life. What are some of the advantages and disadvantages of becoming so rooted in one place?

Advantages: You're not just able to leave your relationship problems or grievances against leadership or discontentment and find a church that's a tad more to your liking. You need to stay and work it out, leave (your type of) Mennonite church, or move away. The core people become a close knit group.

Your wider community relationships go far, far back and things feel solid and familiar.

Disadvantages: boredom, it's easy to become complacent and lukewarm, you may be less likely to try new things that involve stepping out of your comfort zone, it's easy to develop a resistance to change.

I feel that independence and individualism are a very real threat to a small church group. You'd think the smallness would keep us relying on each other, but where there might be a dearth in support or strong examples to follow, it can be easy to turn inward and just get by on your own somehow. 

3. In what ways, if any, do you think that these advantages and disadvantages would be different if your dad hadn’t been a part of the ministry in your congregation as you were growing up?

Hmmm. Dad being a minister definitely helped us get out more than some of our peers did. We went yearly to ministers meetings and large fellowship gatherings. But our family may also have contributed to the lackadaisical attitude a small, ingrown church can adopt so easily. When the leaders aren't fresh and current, the church feels it.

4. For a time, your whole family was a part of your church. What are some specific things your parents did to encourage you all to bond as a family while also expanding your friendship and love to include the rest of the congregation as well as engaging with visitors, neighbors, and unbelievers?

When I was growing up, no topic was off the table in our home. We hashed them all out. My parents were also very hospitable to ALL the people groups you describe. My mom looked out for marginalized people and we ate with and housed anyone God put in my parents' path.

We didn't always speak kindly about our church family when we were together, but our loyalty was fierce and we stood up for each other. I don't remember ever having the kind of drama that meant we weren't speaking to someone in church or avoiding them. Problems were usually worked on.

5. What helps a person to recognize they are/their congregation is becoming ingrown? Do they actually have to get out of the setting in some way, or at least broaden their horizons in order to recognize what’s happening? What do you think you would do as an individual if you sensed your congregation is too inward-focused to be healthy?

For me personally, my ingrown-ness is manifest the most when I see the needs in the larger community around me and don't think I can relate or understand or care for the hurting.

When it comes to being ingrown and unable to relate to other Anabaptist groups, it's a different scenario. I do feel that "getting out" to Bible school and job opportunities and visiting other churches is of utmost importance. It rounds out your perspective and feeds your intellect and introduces you to new blood.

My 17 year old daughter said this: "It's actually easy for any Mennonites to become ingrown, and it's sometimes even worse in large communities. You have your friends, your job, your youth group, etc."

And sometimes when you've got it all right there, you never see beyond and try something new.

As to your third question under #5 (your expectations are high, Danette!), what I would personally do if I sense becoming ingrown as a problem?

Umm...this is a hard question. I'd encourage Bible school for the youth, travel, broadening friendships in our own community and among other Anabaptists, volunteering, etc.

6. If there are fewer people with whom to “compare among yourselves” in a small, isolated congregation, does that lessen the tendency to be jealous of others?

Possibly. Probably.

But there's also this type of scenario: There are only two of you in grade 3. Your friend always gets better grades. It wears you down that you can never beat her. You may go through school always feeling less than. In a larger setting, there would be 12 students in grade 3, two you can seldom beat in academics, six of you who are similar and competitive, and four who seldom perform quite to the standard you are able to achieve.

There may be a greater sense of belonging in a larger, more varied setting.

(And woe to that third grader who was always at the top of her two person class when she gets out and meets people at Bible school who get straight A pluses when she's just an average student.)

7. How is growth of a church (in numbers) accomplished best in a setting like yours?

Common to a lot of us who are of our stripe and flavour of Mennonite, we haven't done ourselves proud with growing from the community around us. Sadly.

We have recently been growing from within and God is also giving us some young families and singles from other communities.

I've long given up on making people Mennonites. I think we're here to be a safe place, a nudge in the right direction, the hands and feet of Jesus, that touch of joy, hope, love, or truth someone encounters. I pray my quick smile or act of kindness makes someone want to encounter the Jesus I serve. Maybe I am just lazy or not on fire enough?

When we became leaders in our church, Dan said often that he takes comfort in Jesus's words that HE will build HIS church. It's not our job. The church belongs to Jesus.

8. Let’s say that a newcomer to your congregation has some really good ideas for improving an event, a method, or a situation in your church, but to go with that person’s ideas would mean uncomfortable change for some in your congregation because it’s so different from “the way it’s always been done”. How would you advise your people to proceed in the case of a newcomer posing this perceived threat to the (written or unwritten) established pattern?

I don't tend to be a traditionalist personally, so I'd like to believe that I'm open to change. To embrace big changes, our church would operate very democratically. Probably the issue would come to discussion and likely a membership vote.

9. In a small church, how do you get everything done? Do members of your congregation need to double up on the jobs? Do you ever resent having to take on more than your share of the load?

It's been a hard road, in some ways.

Everyone is just really expected to do their part. If you can't make it to school cleaning, you trade with your friend and take her place next time. Or you tell your group to leave the bathrooms and you'll do them the next day.

Yes, I remember years when the song leader would put down his song book and pick up his Bible and have Sunday school devotions.

There have definitely been days of resentment and burnout. It feels like God has been so gracious lately in giving us a few more people to round out the responsibility load.

10. How do you cope with the lack of opportunity to do huge church events or sing in a couple-hundred-voice choir or bring in thousands of dollars for your school at a community-wide fundraiser?

I guess this answer proves that I truly am "bushed": I don't just love huge church events and I'm glad we don't have to make pies and quilts for fundraisers! I'm not a singer, so I don't mind not being able to join a huge choir. I would like to be able to listen to them more often, though. Edmonton is a long ways away to go hear Handel's Messiah and southern Alberta is far to go to hear an SMBI program.

I think it is of ultimate importance for our youth to get out and experience the wider Mennonite world. We lived for those experiences as young people growing up in BayTree. Not all of our peers did, though.

Honestly, I still live for those times. But still not all of my peers do.

Here's the 17 year old again: Honestly, I'm cool with it. I kind of like having a smaller friend group. The choir thing I sometimes long for, but I plan to be part of other choirs in the future. And we had our church/community choir and that was really good.

Added note:

If you are a dyed-in-the-wool Anabaptist of a similar type and flavour to me, you may be wondering if it is easier to lose our youth because of the "advantage" I posed in question #2's answer....

That it's hard to find another church similar but a tad different from our own if we become unhappy and we have about three options: work things out, leave the Anabaptists altogether, or move to a likeminded church farther away.

I think it's more likely that people will abandon the Mennonite faith more quickly in a remote setting like ours. And that's sad to us who love and embrace it.

I hope I didn't come across as smug and self-satisfied in who we are as a remote community. I often wish my children could have experienced a broader Anabaptist experience. I know that where I grew up and where they are growing up has shaped us incredibly much. Hopefully more positively than negatively. But where's the scale and who mans it?

A huge thank you to Luci for answering my questions with her typical thoughtful observations and wise conclusions. Maybe this exchange has sparked some interest in you regarding the topic. If so, feel free to share your thoughts and questions with the rest of us.

Luci with her family