Addendum: How I Practice Slowing Down

Back in December, when I was intentionally blogging about slowing down, I began this post that I never brought to completion. Obviously, we are past the Christmas season and full swing into the New Year, but I've decided to post this anyway - on the off chance that there are others besides me for whom hurry and worry can show up at any time of the year.

Since this theme of Slowing Down has been on my mind so much recently, I've begun analyzing ways in my life that I intentionally "put on the brakes" or "haul on the binders", as my dad used to say. I've also been noticing areas in which I would like to practice more slowing down. I decided to make a list for each. I will share the results with you here. Note that the items on each list are not necessarily entered in the order of importance.

How I Practice Slowing Down:

1. Open my eyes to the treasure around me. Noticing things takes time, but slowing down and looking for the beauty in the ordinary all around me is very rewarding. When I see something unique or fascinating, I like to point it out to others, since taking the time to share the beauty with someone enriches my treasure hunt experience.

2. Pay attention to my body. I tend to take tension and anxiety inward. Sometimes when I am in hurry mode, I'm startled to realize that my forehead is literally bunched, my posture is hunched and my stomach is crunched. Taking a few moments to purposefully straighten my shoulders, lean back into the couch or seatback, and relax my facial and abdominal muscles can do wonders. (Sometimes my tongue is literally scrunched, too, and I need to purposefully peel it off the roof of my mouth.)

3. Name what's driving me. When the pressure starts to build, and I find myself getting uptight, it is helpful for me to identify what is causing the tension by naming it. Maybe I'm Overwhelmed or Fearing Failure or Lacking Wisdom. It could be that I have fallen into the trap of Pride or Comparison or People-pleasing (again. sigh.) When something has a name, it becomes more real, and I can start to get a handle on it, rather than having it control me. Also, if it is something I need to repent of, naming it is the first step in confession - agreeing with God about its reality. Then I can give it over to Him to handle. In any case, the intentional naming invites me to slow down in order to put into words what I am facing as well as helps to bring more clarity and peace to the situation. 

4. Make lists. Related to No. 3, this exercise requires slowing down in order to clarify and simplify. If all the things I have to do at any given time are a milling herd of nervous cattle, making a list is my lariat for corralling the lot. Hopefully the gathering and sorting results in calmer, more functional beasts.

5. Be grateful. Often, the act of gratitude requires me to shift focus and energies from myself to others. Slowing down to acknowledge that I owe a debt of thanks, and to direct the payment of gratitude to the giver is very beneficial. An almost-daily way I do this is documenting my thanks in a gratitude journal. Not only does it require me to slow down long enough to write a few lines, but also reading back over the list periodically results in restful reflection that multiplies the thanks.  

6. Use a grounding technique. When I wake up in the middle of the night with my heart and brain going at unearthly speed and hours, it helps me to do this calming exercise involving the five senses: 5. See five things (kind of hard to do in the darkness of midnight, but usually possible, albeit dimly) 4. Feel four things (smoothness of pillowcase, warm air from the register, etc.) 3. Hear three things (no problem with this one, especially if your spouse snores) 2. Smell two things (hopefully I can find good smells like shampoo or dried-on-the-clothesline sheets) 1. Taste one thing (this one is the trickiest; sometimes I'll have a tasty morsel only in my imagination)

7. Breathe-pray. Of course everyone knows that prayer changes things, including pace of life, but I'll admit that sometimes my thoughts and fears are on the autobahn and I can't even slow them down into sensible words, let alone sentences or paragraphs. I have found that the simplest prayers can be most effective. Once I heard a young lady say that our very breathing can be prayer, and I haven't dug into the theology of that or anything, but I think she is on to something. I tried it one night when I was experiencing sleep disturbances and kept waking up anxious. I decided to breathe-pray in short, easy phrases. Because we'd just had Communion at church and heard a sermon on "tasting" our Living Bread, I breathed in with these words, "I'm needy" and breathed out with Jesus' answer to me, "Take, eat (Me)". Through this simple repetitious conversation, Jesus brought me such calm.

How I Wish I Would Practice Slowing Down: (as in, slowing down on my way to altogether stopping, not slowing down to savor!)

1.  Not allow myself to be sucked into reading controversial-subjects-threaded facebook posts. I would love to learn the discipline of confidently strolling on by (or would it be scrolling on by?), if I know they will profit me nothing - or at least not much!  

2.  Get rid of the FOMO bug. Fear Of Missing Out is a pesky nuisance that can quickly develop into a full-blown infestation. I think FOMO is a modern term for NV, something that's been around for a long time. Contentment would be a good start in eradicating the pest.  

3. Be done with assuming things about others, judging their actions and motives, and trying to fix them, which is really just a nice name for being controlling. Not that I would have much experience in this department, or anything...

4. Kick the habit of pro  cras  tin  a  ting. Putting off, and putting off something important is not an ideal way to slow down. (Is this blog post a case in point??)

5. Forego the fear of failure. I've been noticing lately just how paralyzing this fear can be. If love is the antidote and caster-outer of fear, I should think that "doing the next right thing in love" (as Emily P Freeman, for one, says) is a great way to practice halting the failure fear.

What are the ways you are intentional about slowing down in your life - in a busy season, especially? Are there also areas in which you'd like to begin slowing down, with the goal of stopping entirely? I'd love to hear about them! 

Done With Me

I do it every time. Even during a Christmas season in which I am intentional about slowing down, in spite of ramping up the expectations by telling other people about my intentions, no matter that I definitely plan not to, I do it: I GET UPTIGHT.

Making lists helps me to feel more relaxed, probably because it gives me at least some sense of being in control of things. If I can pull down items out of the thick, swirling nebula of Everything I Could, Would, and Should Do, and get them down on paper in concrete terms, I don't feel quite so anxious. This year, though, in spite of intentionally slowing down and in spite of making numerous lists, I started feeling the Christmas-planning-and-preparation crunch around the middle of December. 

So timely, then, was the reading for the day from Ann Voskamp's book "The Greatest Gift" on Dec. 16: "...we are most prepared for Christ, for Christmas, when we confess we are mostly not prepared. Rest here. There is only room in us when we are done with us." 

It's my annual tradition to read through "The Greatest Gift" from Dec. 1-25, marking passages that are meaningful to me that particular year, as well as answering the questions in the daily Moment for Reflection sections. 

Because I can read back over my notes in the book from year to year, I am beginning to notice themes that connect my present circumstances and wisdom from the Book (through Ann's words). Two basic themes I see recurring are 1. I am not enough 2. He is. 

In view of my yearly notations, it seems that I should expect uptightness over Christmas time. I should also expect HisLightness to be offered. Why am I surprised by both?

Perhaps Ann has experienced both, as well. She writes as though she has. There were other timely gems that I treasured during my slowing down times with her Advent book:

"You are most prepared for Christmas when you are done trying to make your performance into the gift and instead revel in His presence as the Gift."

"You most take hold of God when you simply receive Him in the moment taking hold of you. Taking hold of your unsure hand. Taking hold of your unseen needs. Taking hold of your unknown stress."

"We struggle to receive. Sometimes we are better givers than getters. Grace? For me? I don't have to bring anything? What if someone sees how empty I am? How I am not enough, how my gifts are not enough, how giving all I've got is never enough? ...your greatest gift is not your gifts, but your surrendered yes to be a space for God."

"Nothing is harder for capable people at Christmas than to simply come and receive."

I've made a mental list for myself:

Simple Reminders for an Uptight Dani

1. Rest. 

2. Receive.

3. Repeat.

One of my favorite gifts to receive this season is time spent with family. The following pics are a sampling of those times in the weeks surrounding Christmas. 

I enjoyed helping Kerra (a Junior Sunday School superintendent) choose, purchase, and wrap Christmas gift books for the preschool children at our church. 

One evening when Kayleen & Carlin were at our place for the holidays, we took them out for supper to a local Swiss Chalet restaurant. In a sweet moment of serendipity, we met Ken's sister Colleen and her family in the parking lot when we arrived. Neither of our two families had known the other would be there! We were able to sit at the same table to enjoy our meals and conversation together. 

At the Kenites' Christmas gathering, Grandpa and Seth "played" several games of chess together.

Favorite family gathering games include Codenames.

At a meal during the Kenites Christmas Gathering we included our friend "Debbie", who was highly appreciative of the food and fellowship.

Ken's mom and sisters (Laurel, Janet, Colleen, Sharon) are wonderful ladies in my life!

These lovely young ladies are only two of the bunch of Martin Family nieces and nephews that has been accumulating over the years. Aren't I such a lucky aunt?

What gifts have you enjoyed receiving over the Christmas season this year?

God Rest Ye Weary Women

God rest ye dear ones

~ who get the weary more than the merry part of Christmas

~ for whom December is a dark and dreary month wherein you just wish to get alone and weep for all the gathered losses of the past year

~ who have not enough reserve energy for navigating the tension, the indifference, the silent hostilities that are sure to show up at Christmas Dinner with the family

~ who were so looking forward to being with family after months (or years) of absence but whose plans have been dashed by pandemic-related restrictions of some kind

~ whose physical pain is intense or chronic, or both

~ who believe that your baby who cries half the night and your preschoolers who bicker half the day are not only stereotypical little people but terribletypical as well 

~ whose Christmas season will be the first one without the child or spouse or parent or good friend you lost this year

~ who are so bound to perfectionism that you want even your failures to come off looking pretty decent

~ who have had unspeakable things done to you

~ whose identity has long been tied to performing and producing - the more, the better

~ for whom Christmas will happen in a hospital at the bedside of a loved one dealing with cancer

~ whose mother-heart throbs with pain over the choices of a wayward child 

~ who are being held hostage, literally or figuratively

~ who compare yourselves among your co-workers' or inlaws' or peers' or you-name-thems' selves and feel you will never measure up

~ who aren't sure you have enough time or nerves to practice the school program on repeat these days, or enough hope that your students will truly get their act together before performance night

~ for whom Going Home For Christmas is only a dream and not a reality because your foreign mission station is too remote or your finances are too slim or your health and safety risk is too great to do so

You, weary ones, don't let anything bring you dismay, because Jesus Christ, your Savior - your Salvager - has come!

And, as Ann Voskamp puts it, your ache is not the last word, Jesus is.

Rest assured that He is your Comfort and Joy. 

Rest merry for He is your Present Gift.

Rest, dear ones, rest.

                        (for the heart-sisters I meet with regularly or irregularly and for those heart-sisters I have never met, but would like to)