A Georgian House of Feasting

In my last blog post, I referenced an excerpt from Ecclesiastes about a house of mourning and a house of feasting. It is better to enter the former, says the writer of chapter 7, verse 2, because you learn more there than in the latter. We can learn much wisdom in the house of mourning, to be sure, but I don't think that means we should shy away from entering the house of feasting sometimes, or from really enjoying it while we're there. 

Several weeks ago, we entered a house of feasting in Georgia when we attended the wedding of my nephew Tyler & his lovely bride Louisa (aka Wesa). It was a time of great delight, and I learned a number of things that weekend, as well.  

I learned that...

...the beginning of March is a great time to visit a southern state such as Georgia, if you wish to go straight from freezing cold to summer warm, from gloom to bloom, from drab and bare to vivid and abundant. Of course, Georgia wasn't fully leafed and flowered out yet, but contrasted to southern Ontario, it was deliciously weathered.

...visiting a little "Mennonite fabric store" is a fun thing for the Schrock ladies to do while the Schrock men are visiting Outfitters.

...rubber coin purses still have the same clown-nose appeal to the youngsters nowadays that they had back when I was a schoolgirl. 

...Wesa's dad, Steve Overholt, is an eager, thorough tour guide. After we Schrock ladies and the men were finished browsing our respective shopping centers, we met again at the Overholt's farm, Wesa's home place, for a tour of their large dairy operation. Steve met us out front and invited us in his hospitable southern drawl to join him in "fixin' to go over yonder" for touring their carousel milking parlor. He was a great dispenser of fascinating info regarding the goings-on of their 500-cow dairy farm. Their industriousness and efficiency were impressive. At one point, Wesa's mom Kaylene came out and joined her husband in guiding the tour. I couldn't believe how relaxed they both were in graciously entertaining us "tourists" on the day before their daughter's wedding!

...Wesa's special charm captures little people.

...we can fit a lot of Schrocks into one tiny house, if we need to. We'd made last minute arrangements to host a pizza supper for any of the Tribe of Dan who weren't involved in the rehearsal on Friday night, and we all needed a place to gather. My bro-in-law Nolan, had who booked the Airbnb accommodations for him & Annette and Ken & me, asked the hostess for permission to have family over for the evening, and she promptly gave him the gracious go-ahead. I really wonder what the lady pictured - a handful of guests in her cottage-type house? Meanwhile, it was close to 30 of us that we crammed in!

...couples these days have unique guest books at their wedding. Signing the guest board here is my twin Annette, and the guest book attendant seated at the table is my niece Julianna (bro Tim & Margie's daughter, hence a sister to the groom).

...surprisingly, the art of macrame can show up in a wedding sermon, and even be the focal point of it! The preacher likened marriage to "macrame" work in the biblical Tabernacle, where loops were coupled together to "make into one". In his sermon points, he told the bride and groom to "couple the coupling", and offered them some "Do nots" as well as "Do knots". Besides the general admonitions for a Do not (don't end the day angry with each other ) and a Do knot (Give thanks for your spouse) there were very specific instructions for Tyler: a Do not (avoid climbing trees*) and a Do knot (Bring Wesa back home to visit).                  

*last summer, Tyler fell 20-some feet out of a tree he was climbing and broke his back. He has since fully recovered, PTL

...a young niece can pose an example of a person being cheerful even if she's feeling impatient. My bro Tom & Danae's family sat on the bench just ahead of us during the wedding ceremony. After the service, while we were sitting there waiting our turn to be ushered out, their daughter Paige turned around to face those of us behind her and generously offered her trademark smiles.

...a white raspberry cupcake paired with ice cream and trio-ed with an Andes mint makes an excellent dessert at a wedding reception. Other excellent features at this wedding reception were the white and lights and drapery making up the decor, the name cards (both at the bridal table under the pergola and at the guest tables surrounding the pergola), and the main course of the meal: mashed potatoes, poor man's steak, mixed vegetables, Rita's salad (I have no idea who Rita is, but I'm pretty sure she can make a mean salad), and dinner rolls with cinnamon butter. 

Another thing I learned about weddings there in the Montezuma area of Georgia is that folks go about them in a big way. They have spacious church buildings, large families and congregations, huge guest lists (the wedding reception hall was set up for 570 guests!), vast tables of good food and gallons of sweet iced tea, and hearts that are big on connection and hospitality. Speaking of which, we were amazed at all the friendly waves we received from people in cars we met while we were driving to church on Sunday morning. For me, it was very reminiscent of the time I taught school in Arkansas and one of my students explained the waving culture as You wave at everybody you meet on the road; if you don't know the person, you just lift a few fingers off the steering wheel in a wave, but if you do know the person, you get your whole hand off the wheel and wave like you mean it.

...weddings are such great places for visiting with the relatives, adoring the babies, and meeting new people while seeing how many connections we can make with mutual acquaintances. (are mennos the only ones to do this?) In the photos above, my sisters are talking with my niece Kristy (bro Todd and Sharon's daughter), my niece Sofia (sis Faye & Leroy's daughter) is enjoying her built-in soother, my SIL Margaret (bro Tim's wife, as well as mother of the groom) is watching her granddaughter Chloe, and my twin Annette & bro-in-law Nolan are entertaining Jameson (bro Tom & Danae's son) who is the newest member of the Tribe of Dan. Anni & Nolan have a special knack for engaging children. They are also great people with whom to stay up until midnight yakking and solving the world's problems - just sayin'.

...it's possible to take a bunch of pictures at a wedding and not get even one of the bride and groom in which they know you are taking the shot and they are looking right into the camera. I think T&L look so sweet in the pose above where, during the reception program they are waiting on the Mountain View crew to gather round them and help them sing a song, but I did also want a straight-on view of their faces. So I posted their wedding invitation pic here. As a side note: People say that in a fascinating marriage phenomenon, a couple starts looking alike after living together for years. Seems to me that it's only taken months of serving together at Mountain View for this to happen to Tyler and Wesa! What do you think?

...it's nice when the locals plan a meal and gathering time for the leftover company in the evening after the wedding. This provided more time for catch-up chats with my brothers and in-laws across from me at the supper table, for watching my curly-top niece Hope (sis Faye & LeRoy's daughter) mother her doll baby, and for lining up with Anni & Faye and trying to get a decent sister pose. Not talking about my sisters - they're decent already - I mean the pose we were trying for, where none of us had our eyes too closed or our laughter too open. Which was kind of hard when my brother was running the camera and making funny remarks, and taking pictures of Nolan taking pictures of us with his phone. Anyway, credit for the above photo goes to bro Todd. 

...even a glorious wedding day comes to a close. As I watched the sunset's glow spread over a graveyard next to the church, I marveled at the beauty of both life and death. 

The house of mourning and the house of feasting, I ponder. Yes, I can learn from both.

Best Place to be on Family Day - Really?

I was thinking, as we drove to our neighbor Brian's funeral on the third Monday in February, that I can think of far better and happier things to do on Family Day. I also thought about his family and how they must be feeling the same sentiment, only ten times more deeply than I was. And how, on every Family Day in years to come, they will deal with an associative pang of remembering that on Family Day in 2022 they had to do what no family ever wishes to do on any day of the year - bury their husband and father. 

That's why I was rather startled to hear the first speaker at the funeral service confidently announce to the assembled mourners that we were in the best place to be on Family Day. He went on to agree with the writer of Ecclesiastes that it is better to come to the house of mourning than the house of feasting. His reasoning, along with Solomon's, was that we learn more from the first event than the latter.

"Family should be together," he said, "and there's no moment like this for being together." 

"Yeah, right," said one side of my heart, while the other side listened to the minister explaining what he meant. To him, family included those bound to each other with flesh and blood ties as well as those knit together in Christ's love - family in the faith. All of us present at the memorial service had been connected to Brian in some way. Our togetherness - our familyness - at that moment could aid in us building each other up and in comforting those who were mourning the loss of Brian most. 

Together - the best way to be on Family Day. "Hmm," I thought at the time, "maybe..."

But now, as I reflect on the funeral two weeks later, I more confidently affirm it: Together is a very beneficial way to be on Family Day, even if it has to be at a funeral. In the house of mourning, the “family” of Brian was drawn together in a number of ways:

Together in learning...

…from the words of scripture. Listening to familiar passages such as “they are like grass” and “it is soon cut off and we fly away” with a loved one’s casket in view gives clearer perspective on the brevity of life. Somehow, at a funeral, more heart goes into the words that follow: “teach us to number our days” and “apply our hearts unto wisdom”.

…from stories told about Brian. One thing that was pointed out numerous times was Brian's example of faithful endurance. Did he think suffering from a rare lung disease for half his life was unfair? Yes. Did he ever complain about it? No! As his body deteriorated to the point of needing a double lung transplant (almost a decade ago), he realized with more clarity his dependence on something, or Someone, outside himself in order to live fully. Brian counted the ten “extra” of his 55 years as a gift from his Creator and he lived them gratefully.

… from the funeral message. There was much I learned from listening to the pastor’s thoughtful and clear presentation of the Gospel. His notable way of explaining eternal life was “Brian lived the preface, and is now beginning real life.” In Christ, he lived free from the punishment of sin and from the power of sin, and now, in the presence of Christ, Brian is free from the presence of sin.

Together in remembering...

…I felt like I got to know Brian better through the things people shared about him at the funeral. His siblings, children, and friends described his quirky habits, told funny incidents involving him, and related stories that illustrated his character. His twin brother Brent told one such story. He explained that in the weeks leading up to Brian’s lung transplant, Brian’s condition was so serious that he needed to be on oxygen 24/7. During that period of time, Brian was riding somewhere with Brent. Some minutes into the car ride, Brent looked over and noticed that Brian had passed out. Brent quickly pulled over, stopped the vehicle, and cranked Brian’s oxygen as high as it would go. He was about to call 9-1-1 when Brian came to. After taking a few deep breaths, Brian's first words to his brother were “You didn't have to stop!” Brent told us that that was so Brian – not wanting to bother anyone or have his condition hinder anybody’s forward progress.  

…these Brian stories invited a togetherness in sharing a mixture of emotions. Tears of both joy and sadness mingled as we shared our humanity in this way. Members of the human family we were, members of Brian’s “family” in particular, gathered to offer memories of him to each other. In a sense, this was a re-member-ing of Brian and our doing so brought a healing balm.

Together in grieving...

…I’d guess the mourners gathered at Brian’s funeral were experiencing various depths of grief, if grief can be measured as such. Our acceptance into the gathering that day did not hinge on our level of connection to Brian, nor on the ways in which we’ll miss him. Everyone was welcome – his wife, who lived with him in marriage for 30-plus years, along with his mother, who knew Brian the longest of anyone among us, his children, losing a father way too soon and at the same time grieving the loss of dreams they had for their children to know Grandpa Brian, his other relatives who could tell you countless stories of their interactions with him over the years, church family members, co-workers (like Ken) at Martin’s Family Fruit Farm, community folks and neighbors (like me) and many other people whose lives Brian had touched in some way with his friendliness and compassion.

…all of us that day had something in common – we came to the funeral bearing loss. No wonder it was a teary occasion. Besides our grief at Brian’s passing, we brought memories of other losses. Someone once said that funerals are so sad because they are a collection of all the griefs we've ever known. Is there any clearer, more poignant picture of griefshare?

Together in comforting...

…togetherness is said to multiply joys and divide sorrow. But the adding of sorrows can also multiply the comfort. In a strange way, our gathering together as grievers had just as much potential for the offering of comfort as the sharing of sorrow. To me, the distinct lines of beginning and ending of either is inexplicable; it is a mystery of mingling.   

…I have known that grief is a mystery. One can never be sure when it will show up, what its intensity level will be, or when it will leave. Yes, grief brings surprises but so does comfort. I had one such surprise when we went through the receiving line of relatives at Brian’s viewing. I had come thinking we’d express our sympathy to them; it had never dawned on me that we would leave comforted by them. As we offered our condolences to Brian’s twin and his wife, they said to us, “You know what this is all about – losing a brother”, referring to the sudden deaths of Ken’s brother and his wife two decades ago. When we shook hands with Brian’s children and their spouses, one of the daughters-in-law referred to Ken’s loss of a close friend and co-worker in the passing of her father-in-law. It occurred to me then that Ken has known Brian a lot longer than she has. How sweet of her to mention another’s grief while processing her own. Brian’s widow, Ann, also spoke to us through her tears about our experiences of the deaths of close family members and I was touched by her thinking beyond her own loss to acknowledge ours. I hope the family felt strengthened by being able to reciprocate sympathy with those coming to the viewing and funeral; I know I was truly blessed to receive their comfort.

Together in hoping...

…we mourners clustered in the cemetery after the funeral, wishing to pay our last respects to Brian by attending the burial of his body. I much prefer to think of the graveside service as us gathering together to “plant Brian” – his body a shriveled dry seed lowered into the cold earth and waiting. Waiting to blossom forth in glorious vibrant life and color come Resurrection Spring. In the future, I hope when Brian’s loved ones think back to his funeral, they also remember the togetherness of this act of planting on Family Day.  

…as the pastor reminded us in his meaningful talk at the burial, faith is required at an open grave like it is needed in few other places. There, it seems that all of Creation is sighing and groaning (or is it screaming?) in its brokenness. Our present reality at the grave of a loved one would have it that this is the end. It takes a trusting faith in God, then, to keep living as though the reality is His Word on the matter.

…I like to think that we were “planting Brian” in faith; that we were a family of believers collectively circling his burial spot in solidarity of hope that death does not get the last word. Love does. And at the end of time Love will bring us all together, never to be separated again. That will be some Family Day!