When I was a student in grade school, I memorized a poem that had some fascinating lines. I thought they were fun to repeat because of the easy way they rippled off my tongue, but now I like them more for their meaning. When James W. Foley wrote his poem about dropping a pebble in the water and watching it send out a half a hundred ripples, circling on and on and on, he was referring to our actions having a bigger impact than we sometimes realize. He points out that the mere words we say to others can be of great significance, either for good or for bad, in their lives.
This past weekend an event in the Martin Family reminded me of the spheres of influence we gain throughout our lives; how the single words, actions and attitudes we accumulate over the years and drop into the waters of relationship, as it were, have ever-widening circles of effect on others.
My parents-in-law, Leighton and Florence Martin, have been "dropping their pebbles in the water" together and the results have been "circling on and on and on" for many years now. On Sunday, we as a family got to see some of that ripple effect when we gathered to celebrate Mom and Dad's 60th wedding anniversary.
In an Open House that we (Ken, his siblings and their spouses) were privileged to host for Mom and Dad, a delightful variety of people showed up to congratulate our parents. Relatives and friends, former employees at Martin's Family Fruit Farm, hired men who worked for Dad and maids who worked for Mom when she had a new baby, former youth group pals, couples in the bridal party, children of long-time friends, and former fellow pastor couples each brought their own set of memories and unique points of connection to the anniversary couple.
One of the predominant ripples of influence had to do with church. Thanks to some of the siblings' orchestration of planning details, the generosity of Hauser Hall's owners, and the blessing of God, we were able to hold the event in what used to be the Heidelberg Mennonite Church. Dad M had been a pastor there for several decades, and a good many of the guests who came to the Open House had attended church in that building during those years. Memories of the place itself intertwined with memories of Mom and Dad and their impact on others through church life.
As the Open House was winding down, the grandchildren and great-grandchildren began to arrive for the after-events. Nearly seventy of the eighty-some applepeople in total were able to attend the celebration. It was a large group that clustered around Mom and Dad during the family photo session. I wonder if they thought about the way their circle of influence has widened (literally) over the years since the two of them said "I do".
During the sharing time following the family dinner later that evening, we pondered more of Mom and Dad's ripple effect. We watched a video from ten years ago, in which many family members spoke words of affirmation and appreciation to our parents/grandparents for their 50th anniversary. As the scenes replayed, certain themes emerged that could easily be imagined as pebbles that Mom and Dad have consistently dropped into the river of their married life: a strong work ethic, leadership in business, generosity, gratitude, hospitality to strangers and friends alike, servanthood, valuing family, and dependence on God. The effect of this on us and on the generations to come is inestimable, really.
There have also been pebbles dropped that brought regret. Hands (much like the ones all of us own) have released harmful words and attitudes into the water of relationship, pebbles that are suddenly wished back, wished to be retrievable the minute they have landed on the water. Pebbles that, if not retractable, could somehow have their ripples stayed and that the waters they have disturbed could smooth out glassy calm immediately after their initial splash. But, like James Foley penned in his poem, unkind or careless words are gone in a minute, and no one can keep their half a hundred ripples from "spreading, spreading, spreading from the center as they go"... "There is no way to stop them, once you've started them to flow."
Dad Martin, in his speech to us as a family at the end of the day, acknowledged his imperfection as a father and stated an apology for the effect his mistakes have had. As I heard his words I thought how this, too, was a sort of offering on the water with subsequent ripples of its own. While we can never un-drop the pebbles that have fallen from our hands, we can release other small stones from our grasp, realizing that our own vulnerability and admission of wrong are also pebbles of significance for good.
James Foley had it right when he also described the impact of dropping pebbles such as cheer and kindness. We tend to underestimate the volume of hope, joy and comfort they bring on "splashing, dashing waves". In a minute, we can forget the pleasant words and actions we have shared, "but there's gladness still a-swelling, and there's joy a-circling yet," and we've "rolled a wave of comfort whose sweet music can be heard over miles and miles of water just by dropping one kind word."
I sensed that swelling of gladness and circling of joy quite poignantly as we shared songs, laughter and tears together on Sunday evening. Words of the songs "For God So Loved Us" and "Praise to God, Immortal Praise" urged us to honor the Bounteous Source of every good thing, and another family favorite song, "We Have This Moment", reminded us to hold each family member dear while they're near. What a blessing it was that both Mom and Dad were able to come to this celebration day in a season of good health.
I'm sure that as we sang, the minds of many of us went to Verlynn, Ken's sister Laurel's husband, who has recently received treatment for a brain tumor. In a last-minute gift of a miracle, he and Laurel and some of their family were able to come from Minnesota and join us in Mom and Dad's anniversary celebration.
Of course, we all thought of Sandy and Bonnie too, whose Home-going had been on that very day, 23 years prior. As we cried our way through the song "Working the Road", which had been a favorite of Sandy, I heard "sweet music in the wave of comfort". Mom and Dad's service in God's kingdom had affected the life of their son Sandy who in turn had also been working the road while he lived, making things easier for those behind. Now we see Sandy and Bonnie's children continuing that way of blessing others, and it brings comfort.
One of the most significant pebbles Mom and Dad have introduced into family waters is faithfulness, Their steadfast commitment to God and to each other, as well as their love and service to us as a family and to the people God has placed in their path over the years has made a valuable impact. One effect this has had on me personally is that it's given me a desire to acknowledge the Father who "opens His hand and satisfies the desires of every living thing." I want to declare the "goodness of the Lord in the land of the living." (Psalm 145:16 and 27:13)
I'm so grateful for the example of my parents-in-law who have together in their marriage - if you figure the ripple effect in years - circled out half a hundred, plus ten.
Love and faithfulness making their impact, on and on and on...
The anniversary couple all set to receive Open House guests
The Hauser Hall is a lovely venue retaining much of its original "church" beauty.
and balcony, back when they attended church in this building.
Photos and memorabilia table
Display in the entry to welcome guests as they arrived
Mini cupcakes that I was privileged to help decorate
Verlynn & Laurel visiting with Uncle Clarence (Mom's brother) and Aunt Marie
Here Ken & I are sharing a humorous moment with our friends Earl and Lucille.
