My friend Luci is a prolific blogger. Especially this month. She's been posting almost every day in November, and her commitment to the #writeeverydaychallenge is quite something. Last Wednesday, at the end of her publication for the day, she asked her readers for discussion question ideas. When I sent her one about large and small congregations, she liked it. I found out that when she mentioned doing a partner post with me on the topic, she was serious. I thought it sounded fun, even though I didn't know what a partner post was. When I discovered that she didn't really know either, I thought it sounded even more fun - to explore it together.
That is how this unofficial partner post with Luci officially came about. I asked her questions regarding her congregation, and she asked me questions about the two different church communities I've experienced in my life. After quibbling a bit about which of us two is more articulate, and both of us confessing some nervousness about answering each other's questions, we got down to it. You can read the results of the "interviews" over on her blog, and here on mine. Following are the questions I asked about her church and community in BayTree, Alberta, along with her answers:
1. If you describe your current congregation as small and remote, in terms of size and the distance you are from other Anabaptist churches, what sort of stereotypical labels of such a congregation make your defensive hackles rise?
I think that being considered sheltered and antiquated and redneck because we're off grid as far as Mennonites go is probably what would irritate me most. But I feel that is probably my own insecurity speaking. The vibes I described are not ones we get often from others. Usually people are curious and respectful of our choice to live where we do.
2. You’ve attended the same church basically all your life. What are some of the advantages and disadvantages of becoming so rooted in one place?
Advantages: You're not just able to leave your relationship problems or grievances against leadership or discontentment and find a church that's a tad more to your liking. You need to stay and work it out, leave (your type of) Mennonite church, or move away. The core people become a close knit group.
Your wider community relationships go far, far back and things feel solid and familiar.
Disadvantages: boredom, it's easy to become complacent and lukewarm, you may be less likely to try new things that involve stepping out of your comfort zone, it's easy to develop a resistance to change.
I feel that independence and individualism are a very real threat to a small church group. You'd think the smallness would keep us relying on each other, but where there might be a dearth in support or strong examples to follow, it can be easy to turn inward and just get by on your own somehow.
3. In what ways, if any, do you think that these advantages and disadvantages would be different if your dad hadn’t been a part of the ministry in your congregation as you were growing up?
Hmmm. Dad being a minister definitely helped us get out more than some of our peers did. We went yearly to ministers meetings and large fellowship gatherings. But our family may also have contributed to the lackadaisical attitude a small, ingrown church can adopt so easily. When the leaders aren't fresh and current, the church feels it.
4. For a time, your whole family was a part of your church. What are some specific things your parents did to encourage you all to bond as a family while also expanding your friendship and love to include the rest of the congregation as well as engaging with visitors, neighbors, and unbelievers?
When I was growing up, no topic was off the table in our home. We hashed them all out. My parents were also very hospitable to ALL the people groups you describe. My mom looked out for marginalized people and we ate with and housed anyone God put in my parents' path.
We didn't always speak kindly about our church family when we were together, but our loyalty was fierce and we stood up for each other. I don't remember ever having the kind of drama that meant we weren't speaking to someone in church or avoiding them. Problems were usually worked on.
5. What helps a person to recognize they are/their congregation is becoming ingrown? Do they actually have to get out of the setting in some way, or at least broaden their horizons in order to recognize what’s happening? What do you think you would do as an individual if you sensed your congregation is too inward-focused to be healthy?
For me personally, my ingrown-ness is manifest the most when I see the needs in the larger community around me and don't think I can relate or understand or care for the hurting.
When it comes to being ingrown and unable to relate to other Anabaptist groups, it's a different scenario. I do feel that "getting out" to Bible school and job opportunities and visiting other churches is of utmost importance. It rounds out your perspective and feeds your intellect and introduces you to new blood.
My 17 year old daughter said this: "It's actually easy for any Mennonites to become ingrown, and it's sometimes even worse in large communities. You have your friends, your job, your youth group, etc."
And sometimes when you've got it all right there, you never see beyond and try something new.
As to your third question under #5 (your expectations are high, Danette!), what I would personally do if I sense becoming ingrown as a problem?
Umm...this is a hard question. I'd encourage Bible school for the youth, travel, broadening friendships in our own community and among other Anabaptists, volunteering, etc.
6. If there are fewer people with whom to “compare among yourselves” in a small, isolated congregation, does that lessen the tendency to be jealous of others?
Possibly. Probably.
But there's also this type of scenario: There are only two of you in grade 3. Your friend always gets better grades. It wears you down that you can never beat her. You may go through school always feeling less than. In a larger setting, there would be 12 students in grade 3, two you can seldom beat in academics, six of you who are similar and competitive, and four who seldom perform quite to the standard you are able to achieve.
There may be a greater sense of belonging in a larger, more varied setting.
(And woe to that third grader who was always at the top of her two person class when she gets out and meets people at Bible school who get straight A pluses when she's just an average student.)
7. How is growth of a church (in numbers) accomplished best in a setting like yours?
Common to a lot of us who are of our stripe and flavour of Mennonite, we haven't done ourselves proud with growing from the community around us. Sadly.
We have recently been growing from within and God is also giving us some young families and singles from other communities.
I've long given up on making people Mennonites. I think we're here to be a safe place, a nudge in the right direction, the hands and feet of Jesus, that touch of joy, hope, love, or truth someone encounters. I pray my quick smile or act of kindness makes someone want to encounter the Jesus I serve. Maybe I am just lazy or not on fire enough?
When we became leaders in our church, Dan said often that he takes comfort in Jesus's words that HE will build HIS church. It's not our job. The church belongs to Jesus.
8. Let’s say that a newcomer to your congregation has some really good ideas for improving an event, a method, or a situation in your church, but to go with that person’s ideas would mean uncomfortable change for some in your congregation because it’s so different from “the way it’s always been done”. How would you advise your people to proceed in the case of a newcomer posing this perceived threat to the (written or unwritten) established pattern?
I don't tend to be a traditionalist personally, so I'd like to believe that I'm open to change. To embrace big changes, our church would operate very democratically. Probably the issue would come to discussion and likely a membership vote.
9. In a small church, how do you get everything done? Do members of your congregation need to double up on the jobs? Do you ever resent having to take on more than your share of the load?
It's been a hard road, in some ways.
Everyone is just really expected to do their part. If you can't make it to school cleaning, you trade with your friend and take her place next time. Or you tell your group to leave the bathrooms and you'll do them the next day.
Yes, I remember years when the song leader would put down his song book and pick up his Bible and have Sunday school devotions.
There have definitely been days of resentment and burnout. It feels like God has been so gracious lately in giving us a few more people to round out the responsibility load.
10. How do you cope with the lack of opportunity to do huge church events or sing in a couple-hundred-voice choir or bring in thousands of dollars for your school at a community-wide fundraiser?
I guess this answer proves that I truly am "bushed": I don't just love huge church events and I'm glad we don't have to make pies and quilts for fundraisers! I'm not a singer, so I don't mind not being able to join a huge choir. I would like to be able to listen to them more often, though. Edmonton is a long ways away to go hear Handel's Messiah and southern Alberta is far to go to hear an SMBI program.
I think it is of ultimate importance for our youth to get out and experience the wider Mennonite world. We lived for those experiences as young people growing up in BayTree. Not all of our peers did, though.
Honestly, I still live for those times. But still not all of my peers do.
Here's the 17 year old again: Honestly, I'm cool with it. I kind of like having a smaller friend group. The choir thing I sometimes long for, but I plan to be part of other choirs in the future. And we had our church/community choir and that was really good.
Added note:
If you are a dyed-in-the-wool Anabaptist of a similar type and flavour to me, you may be wondering if it is easier to lose our youth because of the "advantage" I posed in question #2's answer....
That it's hard to find another church similar but a tad different from our own if we become unhappy and we have about three options: work things out, leave the Anabaptists altogether, or move to a likeminded church farther away.
I think it's more likely that people will abandon the Mennonite faith more quickly in a remote setting like ours. And that's sad to us who love and embrace it.
I hope I didn't come across as smug and self-satisfied in who we are as a remote community. I often wish my children could have experienced a broader Anabaptist experience. I know that where I grew up and where they are growing up has shaped us incredibly much. Hopefully more positively than negatively. But where's the scale and who mans it?
A huge thank you to Luci for answering my questions with her typical thoughtful observations and wise conclusions. Maybe this exchange has sparked some interest in you regarding the topic. If so, feel free to share your thoughts and questions with the rest of us.
Luci with her family