"a black Bear from the States" He sometimes uses this description when referring to himself having come across the border to visit us and other friends he has in Canada. Decades ago, when he was in high school, his class did a play in which the characters were animals. He played the role of a bear and wore a big furry brown coat for his part. After that, his classmates started calling him Bear, and the name stuck. Although he doesn't hesitate to call himself a black bear, we aren't sure that we should refer to him as black. We sometimes ask him what the preferred term is, knowing that Negro is no longer considered acceptable by many of his color. African American? Person of Color? He doesn't seem to mind what the term is. Accepting him as one of us is more important to him than us making sure we get the right description.
"Canadian cubs" With a name like Bear, one naturally takes on bear lingo, I guess. Bear often refers to children and teens as cubs or young bearcubs. Sometimes he calls his home the Bear Den (or cave, or hollow log), refers to his hands as paws, and says he's growling when he's only talking. Leaving a crowd and going to his room for a rest, or not messaging his social media friends for awhile can be described as going into hibernation. He's also been known to issue his friends bear-related nicknames such as Cub Ears, Winnie the Pooh, Goldilocks, and Brown Bear.
"running around" and "seeing people" Bear became blind when he was quite young. He and his twin brother were preemies, and were on oxygen while in incubators after their birth. This was decades ago, before doctors knew the detrimental effects that too much oxygen can have on premature infants' eyes. Because his oxygen levels weren't carefully monitored, Bear's eyesight was permanently damaged; he has been coping with blindness for most of his life. He doesn't use a white cane nor does he own a seeing eye dog; his friends have been his guides throughout his life. Being blind doesn't keep him from "running around", as he calls it. When he came to our house on his first visit here, we were amazed at how quickly he learned to know the place. The first few times I heard him say that he saw this person, or that he'll be seeing that cub next month, it fascinated me coming from someone who can't see. But he sees people by hearing their voice, by being in their presence, and sometimes, if appropriate, by hugging them.
"one another" If you'd ask Bear how he came to know us (Kihnny & Dihnette), he'd probably say, "We've known one another for fifteen years now" or "We met one another at Storybook Camp in 2007". This refers to our place of meeting when our family first attended a week-long gathering for families called FOCIS (Families of Christ in Service) in northern Minnesota. Bear is a rather permanent fixture at this annual meeting. He and our family stayed in the same cabin at Storybook Camp that year, and Bear took a special liking to our boys who were fifteen and thirteen at the time. Our family's mere acquaintance with Bear in the summer of 2007 quickly deepened into a lasting friendship, especially after he began making yearly visits to our home. As I've heard Bear talk about various people he's gotten to know, I've picked up on his terminology: where I say "each other", he tends to use the biblical phrase "one another" - and it seems a fitting way to describe mutual relationships. Also, Bear uses the phrase "keeping company with one another" to describe a boy cub dating a girl cub. I think that is quaint and sweet.
"you folk" Other homey phrases that Bear uses in referring to us two and our family is "you people" and its close cousin "you folk". "What are you folk up to tonight?" he might ask us when he's at our house and, having his own evening plans lined up, is waiting on one of his friends in the area to come pick him up to go out for supper. Or he'll inquire about our December schedule: "Are you folk going to hear Messiah this Christmas?" Sometimes he'll half-scold us in his voice message on our phone: "You people never stay home!" His astonishment over discovering our acquaintances and relatives North America-wide will have him extending the "you people" phrase beyond our household to include Mennonites in general: "You people know everybody!"
"a little more honey, please" Bear has distinct likes and dislikes when it comes to food and beverages and he feels free to let you know what they are. Breakfast cereal can be a mix of three or four different kinds, and he prefers to eat it dry - without milk. Eggs should be fried hard, wiener schnitzel shouldn't be too dry, and cookies should be made with butter. (In fact, many foods are enhanced by subjecting them to butter on, in, or under) Cold beverages such as water and juice need plenty of ice in them. Bear's taste for hot beverages are quite exclusive. No coffee for him, but tea will do just fine. English Breakfast, Earl Grey, and peppermint tea are favorites. The water should be as hot as possible, and when the tea has steeped long enough, a generous teaspoon of honey should be stirred in. Shortbreads, cutout cookies, or donuts - sour cream and the old-fashioned glazed ones from Tim Horton's - would make wonderful sidekicks. And to the tea for a Bear, could you add a little more honey, please?
"Hey!" Bear expresses himself spontaneously, intensely, and uniquely. That's why we're bound to hear him declare, Yeah right! or Get out! when he can't quite believe something is true, or when someone is pulling his leg. When he's riding in the van with us, we often hear him shout "Hey!" or some equivalent word, or yelp out an expression that isn't really a word but carries definite meaning, when Kenni swerves suddenly or hits the rumble strips at the side of the road. We've come to realize more vividly how vulnerable a blind person must feel when in riding in a vehicle at the mercy of the driver. It makes a passenger feel a little safer on the road if he or she can at least see what's going on, so we try to drive carefully and explain sudden moves that may feel unsettling to Bear when he's along. We have more to learn from him in this area...
"a snoot and a snob" Bear also has definite music tastes. He prefers classical and choral music to country and contemporary, and is very partial to Bach. (Sorry, Tennessee Ernie Ford, you get the dismissive tone - "that song sounds like something you'd sing when you're out with the chickens") A couple of times during a recent visit here, Bear went downstairs to the guest room and hung out there by himself for awhile, listening to podcasts on an early music theme. Later he told me he was just being a snoot and a snob. There are plenty of ways he shares music, though, too. I love hearing him sing solos. He makes a song come alive. Bear has a ton of hymns memorized and he will gladly share one (all sixteen verses!) with listeners, asked or unasked.
"well, m' dear" When Bear is winding down a conversation with someone on the phone, he often uses an affectionate term - m' dear - in ending the call. "Well, m' dear, it's been great talking with you." It's probably habit, but I think that he really does love the people he contacts and this is his way of conveying appreciation for them. Bear often breaks down in tears when he speaks of the blessing our family has been to him. We can tell that he considers us some of his dear people. He has a whole crowd of dear people in his acquaintance and friendship. We have seen him interact with people and we've noticed things that touch him - people who are grieving the loss of loved ones, those who are doubting God and walking away from Him, those who are discouraged and ill. He has been a great mentor for many a cub, as well as encouraged and challenged us many times. Truly Bear sees with the eyes of his heart.
To those of you who know Bear, what signature phrases of his have I missed?
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